The Silly Putty Polly

by on 3 July, 2013


Kevin Rudd thinks that he can recreate himself simply by supposing it to be so.

It is the same as sitting in a garage and whispering, “I’m an Alfa Romeo, I’m an Alfa Romeo, I’m an Alfa Romeo, Brmmm, Brmmm, BRMMM!”

Julia Gillard is similar. She morphs from time to time into new personas, the last two changes made with the aid of very simple props – specs.

In New Julia with Specs #1 she was the steely eyed, jaw jutting defiant Julia, Destiny’s Mistress and re-incarnation of Catherine the Great.

In New Julia with Specs#2 she was the soft Julia. Granny Julia in a comfy chintzy chair bathed in subdued lighting with Vaseline smeared over the lens; peacefully knitting with that sleepy happy look that is only seen on the face of one who has downed a couple of Mandies with a full bottle of Chivas Regal.

Rudd probably taught her this Jedi mind trick.

When Rudd did his first Dance of the Seven Veils he displayed himself as, in his words, an “old-fashioned Christian Socialist.”

ALP-Bitter-TonicMy – an old-fashioned Christian Socialist!

This was the stuff to give the troops, a phrase to unite the Party. Translated, they heard, “I am a true socialist, awful smart, but humbled and softened by Christian teachings, you know, dignity of the individual, sanctity of life, and stuff, and all that. I am Socialism with a kindly, blokey face.”

In those old days he did TV interviews just leaving church after morning service, he was the Ruddeemer.

But that was when he was relatively unknown. He had not become leader of the Labor Party and, more particularly he had not led Labor to electoral victory. 

After that event, he very quickly distanced himself from the “socialist” part of Christian socialism. Socialism, he said soon after the election, is an out-dated 19th century policy that has no value in today’s world.

What? That fast???

Well, now that Socialism’s gone, what about the Christian bit?

Well, just two months ago while quoting Hamlet to show the depth of his sincerity (to thine own self be true) he suddenly announced that he was all in favour of Gay Marriage.

Gay Marriage is hardly one of the pedestals of Christianity, particularly the flavour he likes – the “old fashioned” one. So one must wait to see how he reconciles it. So far he has gone the secular route – if two men love one another blah blah.

During the Kevin 07 campaign he dropped socialism altogether. No, now he was an “economic conservative”. He was the scourge of “neo-liberals”, Howard was “mean” and all Rudd’s speeches were larded with words like “kind” and “compassionate” and “warm” and “open hearted”.

A bit like the speech he made in parliament after the lynching of Julia Gillard, when he urged politicians to be nice to each other.

What he was doing then he is doing still. He is sitting in Julia’s old-fashioned chair humming to himself, “I am an kindly intellectual, I am an kindly intellectual,” then announcing publicly that if the voters elect him they virtually will get a much kinder version of Tony Abbott. One who listens, one who cares? So there is no need to vote for Abbott – vote for Kev and get prosperity with decency.

And government by kind hearted union bosses?

But there is hope. A strait jacket costs less than a hundred bucks.

Jim McCrudden is a retired lawyer, an avid admirer of Dickens, Shakespeare and many others. He lives on the NSW South Coast, has a keen interest in politics and sits on local government.

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