Of fools then and now

by on 31 May, 2013

New MH2The following article was published 15 years ago and should still offer a jolly good laugh. It helps to remind us what fools we had and still have as leaders. Bob Carr might lead the pack with his spin on dealing with crime in 1998.

Carr managed to fool most of NSW voters with his effective spin, all the while looting the utilities and thus running them into the ground, locking up most of the state, and generally bankrupting “The Premier State” as vehicle license plate so boasts.

November 1998.

As I listened to Premier Carr announcing the ban of certain weapons he could have been addressing the peacekeeping council of the United Nations.

With lordly pride befitting Napoleon fresh from his victory at the Battle of Marengo, Boob Carr added to the list of banned weapons in NSW, rocket launchers, grenade launchers, landmines, and studded gloves.

BoobcarrHowever, another weapon to be banned, a dreaded weapon known only by Darth Vader, is the “ballistic knife.” Thank God Captain Boob has unilaterally banned ballistic knives. Boob’s counterpart, Captain Kirk on board the Starship Free Enterprise, within minutes issued an intergalactic edict also banning ballistic knives. The ban extended to the distant galaxy of Gorgon 2, a star thought to be Bob Brown’s training camp for many of earth’s most prominent politicians, business leaders, and Green activists.

Boob’s “ballistic knife” has now been added to the State’s list of banned weapons. The Firearms Dealers Association has issued a “please explain” to the NSW Government after Premier Bob Carr last week announced the 1998 Weapons Prohibition Bill.

But none were more puzzled than Sydney’s weapon dealers when they received the revised list of banned weapons. Not one dealer has a “ballistic knife” nor had any members of the Firearms Dealers Association ever heard of them.

A spokesman from the Police Ministry wasn’t sure what “ballistic knives” were but thought they must exist because they were used in a television drama. The spokesman then went on to describe the knife as having a shooting blade propelled by rubber bands or a powerful spring. This is true!

The good citizens of NSW may now rest comfortable as the State’s not so good citizens have, in large numbers, rallied to captain Boob’s call to surrender their rocket launchers and land mines. The line-up outside Boob’s office was 3Kms long.

I have no quarrel with the prohibition of grenade launchers and land mines, but only if owners fail to provide good reason for possessing them. I suspect there are many like me who use rocket launchers to deliver distinctive messages to noisy neighbours. The push of a button, a smoky trail in the air, a mighty bang, and a neighbourhood dispute is settled in a flash. Less work for the police.

Another problem overlooked by Boob is for pet owners who use more land mines than did the Viet Cong. Those with dogs that continually dig holes in the garden or lawn, land mines buried just below the soil of a freshly dug hole have become the only cure—an effective remedy recommended by nine-out-of-ten vets.

When Bob returns to earth he should be told that idiotic leaps to ban already prohibited weapons and fictitious “ballistic knives” will not win him one vote from any earthling.

Carr and his coterie of bureaucratic incompetents should address some of the more serious problems within our society. They could begin by banning kryptonite, which has become a bigger seller than handguns on the black market. Kryptonite is more famously known to neutralise the strength of superman, but criminals discovered it also does the same to Brink’s security guards.

Also on Bob’s banned list should be Spiderman nets. Death and injury to innocent citizens when trapped in nets and robbed by the wicked are not acceptable in a modern society. Hey Bob?

As Carr moves to make our society safer, he should now show great leadership and be the first to hand in his isotope ray-gun and his single-seat time-warp machine.

Ahh! It’s mighty good to know our future rests in capable hands.

Beam me up Boob.

Boob is now Australia’s Foreign Minister and nothing has changed.

It brings truth to the adage, “If young fools survive, they become old fools.”

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