Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the fourth largest country in the world - "Austiranstan" formerly known as Australia.
Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.
White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Austiranstan’s (Australia's) fifth official language.
Children from a two-parent heterosexual family are bullied in school for being “different”. The government urges tolerance.
Gay marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred “lifestyle” choice.
Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa. “Sharia law must be enforced. Being a Christian is no excuse,” says school. Federal Labor Education Minister backs school.
Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet is presently unemployed. The Austiranstan (formerly the Australian) Government has told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.
Austiranstan (Australia) now has twenty Universities of Political Correctness.
After a 47 year roll-out and at a cost of $2 trillion dollars, the last house is finally connected to the NBN.
Professor Goldman of Bob Brown University (formerly ANU) says, “There is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.”
Austiranstan (Australian) Deficit hits $45 trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Labor Prime Minister Mohammed Abdul Yousuf claims, “Increased growth through more immigration is the secret to our success.”
Opposition decries the Governments border protection policies as the 15,000th boat leaves Austiranstan (Australia) for Indonesia.
Conservatives within the Indonesian government demand to know why they are still giving Austiranstan (Australia) $25 billion annually in foreign aid. Demand the boats stop arriving.
Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman, Rothschild, Ebenezer, Epstein & Drescher (GREED). Huge billion dollar bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists amazed.
Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least twenty more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation.
US President Jose Manuel Rodriguez Clinton-Palin says he will run for fourth term as US President in 2052.
Austiranstan (Australia) Post raises price of stamps to $52 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
As a hangover from Greens policies from the early 21st century, the Labor government has confirmed that consumers will not receive an increase to their weekly electricity allowance of 3 hours as promised at the last election.
The Youtube video of Prime Minister Mohammed Abdul Yousuf breaking his election promise, “There will be an increase in your electricity allowance under the government I lead,” goes viral.
Climate scientists still baffled as to why the Maldives still hasn’t sunk as predicted by the IPCC.
Dr. Tim Flannery still predicts no rain for Austiranstan (Australia).
Families earning more than $250,000 will have the pay the Government an additional 30% premium for the privilege of being able to afford private health insurance.
After a ten year $85.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labor Party and the Greens, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of an Austiranstani (Australian) drops from 130kgs to 125kgs.
Global cooling blamed for wheat and citrus crop failure for tenth consecutive year in Victoriastan and New South Iraq.
Austiranstan (Australian) Senate still blocking drilling in the Canberra region, even though petrol is selling for $120 per litre and petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
After a 35 year absence, McDonalds still declares it is not safe to bring back the “Double Beef and Bacon burger.”
Halal Hut opens its 10,000th restaurant.
Austiranstan (Australian) High Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims are to be held partly responsible for the crime.
New federal laws requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, pens, fly swatters and rolled-up News Limited newspapers must be registered by January 2051 as lethal weapons.
Austiranstan (Australian) Tax Office sets lowest personal tax rate in decades at 85%, but the GST remains at 35%. Greens demanded the GST should be 50%.
Fair Work Austiranstan (Australian) to finally announce its findings involving former Labor MP Craig Thomson.
Former boxer now Sheikh Anthony
Mundine celebrates the conversion of the NRL into Islam.
Brisbane Broncos won this year’s NRL final beating the Afghan Avengers 22 to 20.
Toby Jug was in Canberra yesterday. He was there to advise the Minister for Industry and “Largely Science”, Ian McFarlane, on the meaning of words he was likely to encounter, and how to pronounce them without looking, and sounding like a galah. The meeting went late as there was difficulties over adiabatic, afocal lens, albedo, alpha particle, amorphous, and amplitude. Dunce was not one of them. This was a federal job so payment was extravagant and when they finished halfway through the A’s Toby headed for the nearest five star restaurant. This eatery cannot be mentioned as this would be a breach of ethics. Also because they refused to serve a Chico Roll with Toby’s cheesesteak with waygu ribeye cut down with foie gras and topped with truffled homemade fontina cheese and caviar. He was astonished to see Tim Flannery, himself, alternating between screaming anger and pitiful sobbing into a goblet of Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru. As he approached, Flannery cried, Look at this—it’s heartbreaking, and held up a copy of the Washington Post. The headline read, “THE IPCC ADMITS IT WAS WRONG ON CLIMATE CHANGE.” Toby continues:
Menzies House regular Toby Jug was tasked to decipher the IPCC 5th Assessment and determine how long it would take the world to become a cinder if the population does not turn back the clock to the 8th century BC.
As the deadline approached, it was obvious that the job was too much for poor old Toby. The office hash had gone off for the long weekend, the good whiskey kept for the tax man had vanished, and even the moonshine hidden in the editor’s drawer was no more.
I caught Toby lying in the foetal position, staring glassily at the office budgie named Tony Abbott, and occasionally rousing himself trying to teach the dear little creature to whistle Colonel Bogey.
But, amazingly at the stroke of 11.34 pm he delivered what follows. Apparently, a joint effort with his cousin, Marx Lenin Jug in America. How much is actually his, is impossible to say. GC.Ed@L.
It has finally been confirmed by senior ALP officials that
the post 2013 party will be a radically new, inspirationally innovative and
multi-talented show and the launch of “Billy
and Alby – The Musical” presages this exciting future.
A senior source described this marvellous new stage
performance as “ground-breaking in
Australian political history” as it combines the debates between the
leadership rivals with a dynamic fund-raising campaign.
The stars – Bill Shorten and Anthony Albanese – are already
being referred to in show bizz circles as “The
B A Duo”. John Howard laughed when he suggested “BA” meant “bloody awful" in duplicate, or maybe, "bugger all."