In preparation for Julia Gillard’s farcical visit to Sydney’s Western Suburbs where she will hang around sausage sizzles like a pesky blowfly, perhaps it was strategist McTernan who suggested she should actually try a burnt sausage on a piece of bread doused in barbecue sauce as it is quite different to medium-rare filet-mignon with Bernaise sauce and truffles.
The “Lodge” barbeque is a massive stainless steel complete kitchen but has never been used because the AWU pinched the gas bottle. Therefore, “Black Stump Barbies” from Toongabbie was selected to do the cooking at Julia’s soiree. GC.Ed.
Wearing a rented swaggy outfit was our Toby posing as “the camp cook”. He writes:
My job was to cook sausages so the PM would know what to expect at Rooty Hills but the Lodge kitchen had never heard of sausages but assured me that lobster tails would be just as good.
This conversation from around the Chardonnay table:
Tim Shamery tells us that a million plus Australian camels are tramping over the deserts farting and farting and farting. And what were they farting? Methane !!, Carbon Dioxide !! Greenhouse gases!!
Wayne Swan tried to thump the table angrily, missed, and hit the floor. From there he proclaimed thickly that these camels were melting the North Pole, endangering the Bolar Pears and the North Polians, and started to cry.
Dreyfus then proclaimed that killing farting camels is now registered as a means of officially reducing greenhouse gas emissions. “Officially” anyway. Dreyfus, now known as Thunderpants, was asked by the media what causes farting. “Mainly digesting vegetation, things like grass and foods like beans, lentils, onions, garlic, scallions, leeks, turnips, rutabagas, radishes, Jerusalem artichokes,” he replied – raising the interesting possibility that Australian vegetarians may be culled for Carbon Credits as these vegies were high on their list for brekky.
Dreyfus believes that ‘perhaps’ Kookaburras may be next as research has shown the reason Kookaburras laugh is that they have farted downwind of their target. Their call is actually, “(fart, fart) har, har, har, har, har, har, har.” “Not only contributing to climate change but mocking us at the same time,” said Dreyfus angrily.
A plan to cull the farting desert camels in exchange for carbon credits has just been rejected by the Federal Government!!
Northwest Carbon, a private company, wanted to cull and sell the camels in exchange for credits under Julia’s carbon farming initiative.
The government flannel for rejecting what Julia and Mark were so keen on was they missed that day at school when Miss taught them long division.
And specifically the question: “If a million farting camels produce 1000 tonnes of methane, how many kilos will a thousand dead camels save?”
And therefore, says the government, “Northwest Carbon figures cannot be assessed.
” But Alfie ‘Brigalow” Thropmorton, a long time resident of the Simpson Desert, believes that other factors are in play.
Studies have shown that the vast wind farms planned to be located in the Dead Heart will blow the camels’ gases all the way to Adelaide, while a westerly will take them all the way to Canberra.
“That’s it,” said Alfie, “Unless they get the whole bang lot, or near enough, Adelaide and Canberra will be stunk out. Northwest Carbon just don’t go far enough – they gotta get the lot before the windmills start up.”