Siobhan Harris rejoyces at the opportunities that Gillard's proposed anti-discrimination laws bring in this satirical piece:
Complainers, rejoice!
I’m going to go ahead and say it, I love 18C. No, not the bra size, I’m talking about that lovely little section in the anti-discrimination laws that fuels my wowser sensibilities. The only criticism that I can think of is that 18C didn’t go far enough. Good news, there’s a new section in town and it’s called 19. Finally we’ll have the real right not to be offended, which is great news for the hypersensitive and litigious person inside all of us.
S 19 removes the burden of proof, so somebody who has offended me will have to prove that they didn’t offend me. I’m not sure how that’s even possible, but who cares, I’ll play the role of the complainer not the complainee.
The ease in which this proposed legislation circumvents basic legal principles is pretty impressive. Especially an amazing feat considering that we’re a liberal democracy.
Let me illustrate just why this section is so special.
While I was at this hip place that you’ve never heard of on this laneway that you can’t find, I was enjoying my skinny soy and almond milk mocha and instagraming my cupcake when this man, this passer by, mocked me. He had the gumption to call me a ‘latte sipping hipster’.
Words cannot describe the pain that these words had caused. Sticks and stones may break my bones but half-hearted words by a stranger cut me to the core. No longer will us new age bohemians with a penchant for the vintage have to be called a hipster and for the perpetrators to get away with it. Those days are over. I’d sue him to kingdom come.
If for example, Mr Smart-Ass was able to prove that I was not insulted by his horrific words I wouldn’t even have to pay. No win, no pay. So regardless you’re never going to lose money as a result of complaining, and there’s good money to be made!
On another occasion I was on my way to the Opera when I accidently spilled my bottle of Perrier lightly sparkled water on my mink coat. But it gets worse. This wise cracking 18 year old on his bike yelled out, ‘Karma. You rich pompous git’. Well in all my years of private school education I have never heard such explicit words come out of a youths mouth. But now I’m content knowing that if I sued this little bastard he’d probably have to sell his little plebian bike, too.
So my advice to you would be to realise your inner complainer, go forth and sue. This Gillard government has given us a blessing, so let’s make the most of section 19.
Siobhan Harris is a student at La Trobe University, and Director of Free Speech Australia - a project of the Australian Taxpayers' Alliance.
